I looked up one day and I was scared as hell. I was scared to travel, figure out how to buy a home, make new friends, and scared to fail. The crazy thing about these fears: They are major parts of my lifestyle goals.
After watching a Nicole Walter's video in which she discusses how thinking "poor" kept her from thinking rich, I realized I had a major fear of poverty. This fear is subsequent of being raised in a low income household. Fears have an ability to become reality the more energy they are given.
After dramatically throwing my laptop on the couch Carrie Bradshaw style, I proclaimed, "That's it! I'm over being scared!".
These are the steps I took to start living a more fearless life:
Identify your fears and turn them into goals
Ask yourself "What would I do if I weren't scared?" Write down everything that immediately comes to mind. Now take that list of fears and rewrite them as a list of goals. If this mental shift is difficult, motivate yourself by envisioning your life if you did everything on that list. Seeing yourself where you want to be is a part of the journey to get there.
Kill the noise and excuses
In the show Intervention, the addict is brought into a room filled with loved ones who are invested in their recovery. Each person reads a letter to this individual and ends it with a request to seek treatment. If they say yes and agree to go, they are immediately driven or flown to the recovery center. When they say "no" or anything that is not "Yes", the next loved one reads their letter. This cycle continues until they agree to go.
Use this strategy on yourself: any words that come to mind that will keep you from facing your fears and achieving your goals are just noise and excuses.
The major secret to this part of the process is to become solution oriented. If a specific excuse keeps coming to mind, look at it as an obstacle that needs to be tackled. Do your research and create solutions.
Just Do It
Create S.M.A.R.T goals. They must be specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and timely. My favorite part of SMART goals is the measurable step. When beginning to face fears, make your goals simple enough to answer the measurable aspect with a yes or no.
Example: You want to make more mommy friends. You research and find out there's a yoga studio in your neighborhood or a popular playground. You're scared as hell to go but you do anyway. Give yourself the goal to speak to one mom. At the end of the day, ask yourself did you speak to a new person? The answer is yes or no; either you did or didn't. If you did, you're facing your fears and working towards your best life.
Photo Courtesy of Home Philosophy
Bonus Tip: Surround yourself with people who get it. We all hear that we should surround ourselves with people who support us. Let's be honest: facing fears takes vulnerability and a friend honest enough to call you out. Grab a friend and let them know you are facing all of your fears head on and you need someone to give you fast feedback.
If you are in need of this support and you really feel like you have no one around, join the Nacho Average Ma Facebook group The Millennial Moms. These women are fierce and will gladly help you towards your goals.